People

The thing I love about people is that one's perception and expectations of them are always flawed, and always will be. The capability for change and the potential for growth of mankind is an astounding process that never ceases. No judgement is ever justified, for the enormity of factors that affect a single word or action constitute a complexity that transcends the mortal mind. Context is a concept that we, as imperfect beings, will never fully grasp.

I've been thinking a lot about this, in light of recent events. The first impressions of nearly everyone in my life have been, without fail, horribly off-base, and often affect the way I treat (or avoid) that person for some time afterwards. But recently I've reconnected with some very special people in my life. They are people who have taught me a lot about myself, both directly and indirectly. Through no fault of their own, I shut them out. And now, upon letting them back in, I have found so much happiness and peace. I will never learn enough the importance of forgiveness and love towards my fellow man. Every single time I think I have reason to be offended, hurt, or angry, I find that true healing comes in forgiving.

I love hearing people's stories. The ones that really dig deep. The ones that make it impossible to ever feel anything but love for them from that moment on. If I knew everyone that way, what a blessed woman I would be. But then, that's Christ's job, isn't it? He loves us all because He knows us all. Individually, and intimately. Our weaknesses, our strengths, our fears, our talents. ALL of our stories. And He loves us still. Sometimes I think I love people more for their flaws. Is that strange? There's something about weakness that brings us all together. It helps me realize that I'm not the only one who hates themselves sometimes. That there's someone else here who understands what it's like to be inadequate, fragile, and imperfect.


Yeah, I think I'd like to be more like Christ.

Stories

It's been a rough couple of days.  I could have sworn that I posted an entry with my research proposal outline, but that definitely didn't show up.  Cool. But class on Wednesday helped me to get a better idea of where I'm going and what it is that's expected of me.  Which, in turn, helps me to figure out what I expect of myself.  I'm nowhere close to where I need to be on this proposal, but I've included it anyway, in the tab thing above.

Wednesday also got me thinking about charity.  Weird, I know.  It wasn't even related in any way, but I once heard that when you hear someone's story, you can't help but love them. I think I wrote about that once.  It's happened to all of us.  You see someone, it doesn't matter who it is, but they rub you wrong the first time.  Then, through a number of coincidental (although I'm determined that they're divinely directed) happenings, you actually see them.  You truly see them, the person that struggles just like you, who's grown up with trials and challenges that you would never be able to endure, and who is the product of their experiences, just like you.  And most of the time, they teach you something about humility.  It's things like this that convince me that God has a great sense of humor.  Literally every time I've judged someone before knowing them, He's found a way to prove just how wrong I am.  But I love Him for it.  Because it's teaching me to love in so many different ways, and that's when we humans truly find happiness.  With love.

What does this have to do with Ghana?  Well, a lot, actually.  In learning more about their history, where the people come from, what makes them who they are today, I can't help but love them.  No, this isn't some cheesy testimony-meeting "I love everyone" speech.  Really, I've been going through article after article since then, fascinated by everything I learn.  I've probably spent an unreasonable amount of time doing so, but I figure that the time is well spent.  And... whatever assignment slip through the cracks, I hope to be able to deal with this weekend.  (On a side-note, I went blues dancing last night.  It rocked my world.  And therefore, it's okay to be anti-social for the next two days)

Anyways, I'm just thoroughly caught up in the Ashanti culture.  Their customs, beliefs, traditions, foods, and way of life.  I know that I'll probably only get a glimpse while in Ghana, and that I can only learn so much while I'm here in the states, but I hope that I can at least see enough of it to have the kind of love for them that will allow me to truly see them.  The kind of love that will show in my smile, in my service, and in my words.

Identity

There's something inexplicable about the wonder of the human body. I dissected my first knee last tuesday in my Cadaver Dissection class, and I can't put into words what it felt like to be the first human being to look into that man's knee. To see the ligaments that supported his lifelong travels. Although they are no longer with us, I love to consider just how real these people are. They gave love with their arms, kind words and advice with their lips, walked endless miles with their legs. It makes me stop and think about what I'm doing with the time that I have. Am I doing the things that would make me proud, ten years, twenty years from now? Will those who follow me be able to look up to the legacy I am currently fulfilling? Questions like these make me want to beg for more time. More wisdom. More opportunities.
And yet, I look back on the things that I have accomplished, the personal milestones over which I have tread, and I find someone who is completely foreign to me, who has changed and grown so quickly that I have hardly had the time to get to know her. Of course, I have always known the basics. My likes, my dislikes. They've changed as I've grown. But who I am is much more than that. And it is something that even I cannot describe just yet. Some days I think I've figured it out, but I can only distinguish vague pieces in the puzzle of all that is me. I imagine that much of my time in the eternities will be spent getting to know myself.

Update

I haven't written much in the past while, mostly because I've been so busy with life.  That's a good thing, right?  I've needed that.  Sometimes I feel like the only people who have successful blogs are the only ones who lack enough life to spend that much time on the computer.  Maybe I'm wrong.

But to be honest, I've been spending more time working on my other, most recent blog, ghanaspeaks.  It's pretty cool, I'm headed to Ghana this fall for a field studies project that I've been wanting to do for... oh... about eight months now.  So I'm really still adjusting to the fact that it's actually happening.  My life has been changing in some pretty phenomenal ways, and mostly because of the way I've come to view the world, myself, and others.  It's crazy what a short month can do for the psyche.

I'm still in school, taking spring (and, unfortunately, summer) classes until I leave in the fall, so that I can prepare myself as much as possible for what lies ahead.  I'm currently in a field studies prep class, which has become one of the greatest things I've done in a while, as well the a freshman writing class. Again.  Lame, I know, but I have to pay the price for sleeping in through the final the first time around.  For summer, I'm planning on taking an anthropology course as well as Psych 210, human development of psychology.  Anthropology for the exposure to studies of culture and such, the psychology to help in my research.

I'll be researching, as you may read on my field studies blog, cross-cultural differences in the conception of pain.  I'm not sure if I want to do that from psychological, emotional, or physiological, but either way, it'll help to know more what I'm talking about, and get more exposure to data analysis and research methods.

For how rushed this whole process has been, and how fast my plans have changed, I'm surprisingly calm.  I'd like to thing that I'm getting better at adjusting, and maybe at being away from home, too.  Don't get me wrong, I miss it like crazy, but I think I'm getting better at ignoring that most of the time.  Nevermind that I may or may not call my mother almost every day.  I like her, okay?

Well, this was genuinely pleasant.  But it's way too nice outside to keep at it.